Sunday

I guess Jenny is getting sick. She is back in bed after initially getting up with the kids. I stayed up too late again last night. I really need to get to bed early enough to get eight hours of sleep. That is the goal. Today, we are going to church, then Jen is supposed to go back to work at 3. I am thinking that neither of those things are going to happen. She seemed kind of miserable... but she always seems miserable in the morning. What is up with morning and night people anyway. I am definitely a morning person. I wonder what all of that is really about. I have this ideal in my mind. I can picture getting up early and watching the house grow light. I like to have all of my ducks in a row before the day actually starts. I really do accomplish that a good amount of time too. The only thing that stands in the way is when I am tempted into staying up too late, like last night. It might be a tv show like Destination Truth, that comes on at 10:00, or, maybe the kids were crazy and I can finally hear myself think. I don't know. Optimally I would be going to be before 10, something like 9:30, and I would get up at 5:30. Then I would leave at 6:50 to get to work for 7.

Today is undecided. Sometimes I like em that way.

db

machine head

I woke at six this morning without an alarm. It means a couple things to me. I really like not hearing the alarm and I am always kind of in awe that my head knows what time it is. It also means that school is officially controlling me. Its ok though, people's job control them and that my friend is the way it is. It was below 60 degrees in this house this morning and I turned on the heat. Jenny is sadistic about not turning on the heat but too freaking bad! It was really cold. It takes a while for our house to heat up because of the radiant heat so it is still really cold in here. I love waking before the rest of everyone is up. It is this silent time.

It wasn't even really light out yet. Jenny just told me today that summer isn't officially over yet. I find that pretty hard to believe. The leaves are changing and I am in the mood for fall. Picking apples, baking goods, cool nights, indian summers. It is all really nice. Not to mention the lack of mosquitoes. That might just be the best part. I have to get myself going with my photography class. I am not treating it like a class at all. I haven't even bought the book. I haven't started working on the assignment due tomorrow, which will be a still life. I have two ideas for it, one involving my chess set, and one involving wine and infidelity. Nora woke up about five minutes ago frantically looking for her binky. I have no idea how I am going to ween her off of that thing.

I wake early

It is really dark out still. The whole house is sleeping, just like I like it. I taught on word symbology yesterday and it is one of my favorite things to teach on. Today I am going to a wedding, and something before that that I can't remember.

I have been back to work now for about a week and a half, and I have to say that I really like what I do. I am staying in school till four every day now just to keep caught up on all of the peripheral things and it is great. I miss my kids but not terribly. I know they are going to be there when I get home. I really like my classes this year. I am having former students come back almost every day and that really makes me happy. Things are good.

I am going to my new photography class Monday night. I can't wait to see if it is something that is going to benefit me or not. It better for $800.

Hmm... nothing much this morning then.

db

6:30

Its 6:30.

I have been staying up past 11:00 every night this week. I need to stop. But, Destination Truth was on last night and I have completely forgotten how much I love that show. I LOVE that show! If you can you should definately watch a webisode of the show that ran last night. Completely entertaining. But now I am tired.

Yesterday was such a misfire. Its going to be hard to even describe. I went to school and had no idea that I wasn't supposed to be there and that they had hired a sub to take my class that day. I was supposed to be doing some Literacy Initiative training in Paxton. crazy.... so I had to throw something together for the sub and then fly to paxton. I ended up getting there early but was completely misjointed throughout the entire thing, then I came back to school at 3:00 and went to a meeting that lasted till 4:10. I came screaming home because Jenny had an appointment at 4:00 that I was supposed to watch the kids for, but Henry's bus had broken down and he didn't get home till 4:20, about two minutes before I got home. I passed Jenny driving past me in an attempt to get the kids to me at school. Fortunately I saw her and flashed her down. She turned around and gave me the kids at home. I then had to go back to school for a PTO meeting at 6:30 that lasted till 8:00. Then home again..... I don't like days like this..... I spent so long in meetings... I hate meetings. You might think that meeting would be nice. But they are mostly pointless, unless you count having all sorts of free time to draw in my notebook worthwhile. I kind of do, but the meetings themselves, not so much. I drew a deconstructed cow.

I really did.

reverb love song.

I went to visit a friend that I haven't seen really in about twenty years or so today. He was my best friend in highschool. It was actually really nice, surreal, but nice. He was the lead singer of our band, lol. He is still singing and way into the band scene, which I actually admire. I have to say, the thing that I left admiring the most about Kris was that he was completely true to himself. He is, pretty much who he was in the 10th grade. Who can say that? I certainly am not. I completely changed. But yeah. He was really nice. There were far too many people there and I could see that he was struggling with paying attention to them all, especially when his "work" friend showed up. He had a big house with toys everywhere: course for various four wheelers and dunebuggy, complete jam room, on an on. I feel like it was kind of a collection of things that he wanted when he was younger and there they all were in his dream home.

It made me think hard about what I really want. What is my dream future? Am I living it, or at least toward it? I think to some degree I am. I always envisioned myself in a cute small house. But the one that I was in had a lot more "scope for the imagination." It had things like a view and a natural quaintness that lived there.

I had a hard time seeing my house as that house when we first had it built. There are a lot of things that have to happen to my land and house to make that come true. I keep running into financial walls. but we have only been here for going on three years. And before that there was woods here. I guess that is progress.

I think above everything, I want a house that breathes well-being. I want to be able to see my kids grow into mature, thinking and caring people. I want to bring real beauty out. And somehow, I want it all to be connected to the land around me.

So, thanks Kris, for being so kind, and also for making me consider.

of canticles and stones

Yesterday was unique. I am constantly finding myself pushed beyond what I feel comfortable doing. Well, maybe not constantly, but a lot. Here is how it went. I went to the church with Jenny and there were a couple other people there. We waited and after about ten minutes My friend Dave's kids showed up along with the other people that were going to be there to witness the renewing of their vows. Dave and Jen weren't there yet. The whole time I was crazy nervous that I was going to forget the words to the song. And, I wanted to hear how my voice was going to bounce around the inside of that church, which was pretty much just stone, dirt and wood. But I was too embarrassed to just sing in front of the few people that I didn't know that were wandering around the church grounds. So I pretty much just walked by myself and tried to sing here and there.

Dave and Jen did show up, and I think Jen was semi surprised. Everyone was dressed pretty casually. I was just wearing what I wore to school. They walked into the church and talked a little bit, but things got down to business pretty quick. The Pastor brought the six of us to attention and held the service. It was short, Dave read from "The Little Prince." They repeated their vows and it was my turn. I sang Harvest Moon low and probably at medium volume. The Pastor thought I had finished after the first verse and jumped in, and I didn't mind it at all. It actually sounded a lot better than I thought it would. I love that I did it, but I am so happy to have it done.

Its so weird that I can sing. I really can too. I am just not the singing type. I don't like to do things like that in public, but I am always roped into doing it. I am so much happier on the drums, or even guitar. Still, I have sung, by myself, in front of almost a thousand people, I have sung semi-regularly in front of a crowd of five hundred. I have been the lead singer in a rock group and just with me on acoustic. It is the weirdest thing in my life.

The best part of yesterday was going back to Dave's house and having a cheese and wine party after everything was done. He really knows wine and cheese!!

Riding not riding

I am riding my bike today. No, actually, I don't think I am.

That has been my morning. And, I have to memorize a song, that I am going to sing, without any instrumentation at an abandoned church with four people, including me, standing in it at the renewing of a friends vows.... in two days. I like the idea of singing in an abandoned church, but, the actuality of it, is s c a r e y.

Half an hour before

Here is what I am thinking. I don't want to ride my bike past former students because I always look so stupid riding the thing. I am not one of those svelte bikers in black spandex suits that zip past. I am actually the exact antithesis of that. So, yeah, I don't want to do that, but I think I am going to have to. I am excited to see my students. I am excited to get this year going. I hope I am helping my body by biking not destroying it. I am nervous to read the names of the students in my homeroom out loud because I am not sure how to pronounce them yet. I want this year to be better than last and last was pretty good from a "my own class" perspective. I don't really want to eat oatmeal but I think somehow it will give me energy for my bike ride. I want Henry to have a really positive experience at school. I want them to love him like I do. I want Jen to walk away from today stronger than she was. I want the bus to drop Henry off at our house and not get him lost somewhere. I want Henry not to be bothered by a bunch of new kids and noise. I don't want him to zone out an mumble things because there is too much going on around him. I don't want him to be lonely.

I think that is it for what is on my mind right now.

I am going to go make some oatmeal.

tomorrow

I am ready

I am ready

I am ready

I am ready

I am ready