its coming back... I think

I just woke up and Phoebe was apparently still up, she just wrote in her blog. Will my kids stay up this late? I think I am getting feeling back in my finger!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is definately still a bit numb but I think its less!!!!! Also, yes, I am still up, but the pain is not that bad right now. I think this is slipping. Oh Jesus, let this be slipping.

Hmm... lets talk about significant things... shall we. I think my new church is changing things in my life for the better. I went to a huge church for a while. Heritage Bible Chapel. It is big and evangelical and was fun. I played drums with musicians that had recorded serious cds and had been a part of rock bands for years. John Veto was the singular best musician that I have ever worked with and Kirsten Locke is something of a legend in folk music. And, they liked me. They liked my style and we had some serious fun. I do miss that a lot. I miss the practice and the learning that they provided. Hm... what else do I miss? I miss the invisibility given by being part of something that doesn't really notice you. I could sit and read a book during service... even a book that pop Christianity would hate, like Harry Potter, that I would take specifically into church to piss people off. (We could have a conversation about that for a long time) And still I could remain undisturbed.

So now, I am in a tiny little church that has just started. Cana Community Church, and, I am in no way invisible anymore. I don't play music anymore either. But, my new church is something that my old one couldn't touch... it is... a thinking person's church. It would embrace Harry Potter. We are watching the "Jesus Camp" movie at bible study tomorrow. This is a movie that was meant to cut evangelical Christianity to pieces. I hope it does. And my new church would love that cutting... would love the pruning. It is apologetic for all of the stupidity poored out of the Christian Church.... it doesn't hate gay people!! It would welcome them in without embarassment.. In short, it is matching me, thought for thought with what I thought about Christianity. Actually even more than that... its pushing me to rethink things.

Last Sunday, Dave (new pastor) said that all of these people claim to be Christians by ascribing to certain rules and practices and completely miss the central claim of Christ. Which is to love others as yourself. How can they call themselves Christians when they are not being Christians. He also stated that he can't even love his own family. Let me say that again, because it hurts, because it is true. He can't even love his own family.

The more I understand Christ's love, the more I understand how foriegn it is to what I do. I do love my family, but to be sacrificially loving it the way that I could be. To be that unselfish to them. I am not there. Christ called us all to be that unselfish with everyone we meet. WHAT!!! And I can not even understand how to do that. But that is what this new church is doing that the other one wasn't. The other was a fun club to be a part of. This one is pushing me past the definition, past the title. And, I am starting to understand why Christianity at large needs to be very embarrased by what it has become.

I, for one, am starting that apology.